Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Nothing Makes Me Feel Dumber Than The Fleeting Feeling Of Being Smart

The Croods is -- at its core -- a family road trip picture. Sure, it takes place in a fictitious past, on a fictitious landscape populated by fictitious creatures, but the actual 'family road trip' part -- the fighting, the nagging, the constant cries for food and bathroom breaks -- that's 100% NON-FICTION. In fact, the only part of the traditional family road trip that I have NOT seen spoofed in the trailers for The Croods are the cheesy activity books that our parents used to throw at us to try and keep us quiet.

Do you remember those?

Usually themed around a recent movie or an upcoming holiday, these 'activity books' were really nothing more than a bunch of hastily assembled crossword puzzles, word searches and connect-the-dots. The connect-the-dots, in particular, were a joke. You could usually identify the final picture without even drawing a single line. It made you feel clever as a kid, at least until that dark day you finally realized the truth. You weren't smart. Those puzzles were pathetic. YOU'D BEEN DUPED!

You're getting nostalgic, aren't you? Good. Cuz we're about to hop back into the family car and take a trip down memory lane. Next stop: Croods-themed activity sheets!

Go on. Flatter your non-existent junior genius. You know you want to...