Tuesday, February 12, 2013

More Meh Merch: New Croods Toys & Books


Maybe I shouldn't have been so tough on those unofficial Croods knock-offs beginning to surface on the net. Cuz if this is the sort of 'official' merchandise that's going to be released, our only hope for something cool lies in the illicit underworld of the bootleg market.

Puzzle Books & Sticker Books

Seriously? STICKER BOOKS?! They're the worst! If you've never had the displeasure of using a sticker book, here's how they work: Step 1. You pull a sticker off the stapled-in sticker sheet. Step 2. You affix said sticker to the predetermined page containing the outline of said sticker. (No thought or creativity necessary!) Step 3. Repeat until all stickers are gone. Step 4. You're done. The book is now useless. Throw it away.

The puzzle book is a bit better. At least it encourages kids to think. But in order to get your kid to play with it, you're going to have to be on an hours-long, electronics-free road trip across a flat and barren landscape. Even then, if there's ANY opportunity to do ANYTHING else, this book is gonna get lost under the floor mats.

The Mix & Match Bearowl, Macawnivore & Crocopup



The Mix & Match action figures are yet another underwhelming entry from Mattel's lackluster line of Croods toys. Simple, on-model sculpts would have been perfect. Instead, we get three figures riddled with holes, along with a bunch of ugly, awkward and unnecessary accessories that have NOTHING to do with the film.

That said, the future Frankensteins of the world now have something to tide themselves over with until they're old enough to mix-n-match human body parts. Li'l Jeffrey Dahmer would've loved 'em.

To buy the books, click here. To buy the toys, click here.

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