Shown below is the first wave of unofficial Croods crap to pop up online. None of it is all that offensive, but just you wait. Far more heinous and hilarious products are sure to follow.
Are movie-themed vanity plates the new celebrity domain names, a get-rich quick scheme for misguided internet 'entrepreneurs'? I dunno. But this guy's selling the rights to an authentic Australian license plate that reads 'CROODS.' The product description claims that it's "great...for your over protective but well meaning Dad." The price is "negotiable."
8-Bit Online Games
There's an official Croods video game coming out in March. But for those of you who simply cannot bear the wait, there's My Games 4 Girls' The Croods. While the game itself has literally NOTHING to do with The Croods, I'm giving it a partial pass for two reasons. (1.) It's free. (2.) It's certainly not sexist. Seriously, how many game companies market a game "4 girls" where the lead player looks like Jerry Garcia and there's a dinosaur with a bloody human torso hanging out of its mouth? Answer: Not many.
Print-On-Demand Party Products
This online seller is a one-stop party store for bootleg Croods goods. While I've chosen a photo of the wholly inexplicable 'Personalized Croods Water Bottle Labels' ("They ARE water resistant"), I could just as easily have shown you shots of their 'Personalized Croods Candy Bar Wrappers' ("candy...not included"), the set of twelve 'Croods Zipper Pulls' ("fun for kids") or the surprisingly decent looking 'Personalized Croods T-Shirts.' And that ain't even HALF of what they're offering.
Mind-Numbing, Minutia-Mining Fan Sites
Last and most definitely least is The Unofficial Croods Blog and Tumblr. It's done by this guy with ZERO Hollywood connections, insider info, writing talent or drawing skills. Still, that doesn't stop him from constantly posting his cringe-worthy comics, embarrassing editorials and negligible news bits. See that creepy and inedible-looking pizza pictured above? Yep, that's his handiwork. It's like, didn't this guy's parents' give him enough attention as a child? Why are WE being forced to make up for a lifetime of lost hugs? Doesn't he have someone close to him who can quietly take him aside and tell him--